The last half inch of buried suture from my facial surgery last January — which had become hugely encapsulated — finally worked its way to the surface. Nurse practitioner was able to snip the knot and pull it out. I’m finally free of something that had been annoying me to no end for months.
Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance — an occasion that honestly I have very mixed feelings about.
Not that we shouldn’t remember our dead. On the contrary. At least 23 transgender/non-binary people have been killed so far this year in the U.S. As usual, almost all of them were trans women, the vast majority were WOC (mostly black trans women ), a number of them were street sex workers. I point out the latter not to denigrate sex work, rather that they were so marginalized by society that the only way for them to survive was to engage in a highly risky profession.
A partial list of our dead from around the world is a the TDOR website. Many of them were killed with extreme brutality — what criminologists refer to as “overkill,” which is an indicator of extreme rage and hatred toward the victim.
There were undoubtedly more. Usually they were people who couldn’t afford to change their name and gender on their legal ID — or lived in states where social conservatives intentionally pass ed laws to make it difficult/impossible to do — and consequently when their bodies are found, they usually suffer the final indignity of being misnamed and misgendered by the police and the media. It’s only through people who knew them that we learn who they really were.
Mesha Caldwell, 41
Sean Hake, 23
Jamie Lee Wounded Arrow, 28
JoJo Striker, 23
Tiara Richmond, also known as Keke Collier, 24
Chyna Gibson, 31
Ciara McElveen, 26
Jaquarrius Holland, 18
Alphonza Watson, 38
Chay Reed, 28
Kenneth Bostick, 59
Sherrell Faulkner, 46
Kenne McFadden, 27
Kendra Marie Adams, 28
Ava Le’Ray Barrin, 17
Ebony Morgan, 28
TeeTee Dangerfield, 32
Gwynevere River Song, 26
Kiwi Herring, 30
Kashmire Nazier Redd, 28
Derricka Banner, 26
Scout Schultz, 21
Ally Steinfeld, 17
Stephanie Montez, 47
Candace Towns, 30
OTOH, for years TDOR was the only time trans people were publicly recognized. If you were gay or lesbian, you had Gay Pride — an event, even if less and less political over the years, still has an attitude of celebration and defiance. As gay writer Joe Jervis summed it up: “They wish we were invisible. We’re not. Let’s dance.” (From his must-read essay about the value of Pride).
For us, not so much. Pre-Laverne Cox, pre-Janet Mock, pre-Caitlyn Jenner, the only public occasion for trans people was one marking our persecution and deaths. Fortunately, that’s changing, Transgender Day of Visibility, on March 31, intended to celebrate living members of the transgender community, has been gaining traction.
As Daye Pope eloquently said:
“Transgender people are real, and vibrant, and powerful, and beautiful, and resilient, and enough. Despite every obstacle stacked against us we rewrite the rules, beat the odds, defy expectations. I believe with all my heart that we have a bright future, because we will build it together.”
So today mourn our dead, tomorrow fight like hell for the living. In March, celebrate our fabulous selves.
They wish we were invisible. We’re not. Let’s dance.
It’s been an emotional roller coaster the past two days.
Thursday brought some good news for a change…
Got my latest blood tests back from yesterday’s blood test and while things are not fully back to normal yet, my kidneys are doing significantly better after stopping my testosterone blocker a week ago.
Meanwhile my hormone doctor started me on progesterone, which both blocks testosterone (although not as effectively as the first drug) and may cause some additional breast growth. Need to follow-up with my hormone doctor to see if that might avoid the need to do the orchiectomy — although progesterone has its own potential side-effects that might rule that out.
But just when I thought things were working out, I got some complicating news this morning.
The surgeon who will be doing my bottom surgery recommended against doing the orchiectomy because the scar needs to be fully healed and pliable, which takes 6-12 months, so there’s a good risk that I’d have to cancel the surgery if it’s not ready. And if I cancel the surgery, I probably wouldn’t be able to be rescheduled for another 12-18 months minimum, given how booked the surgeon is. Plus the new surgeon who’s taking over the practice would be operating solo, without his predecessor overseeing things.
They’re not worried about the effects of normal levels of testosterone for another eight months — but I’m definitely uncomfortable with my body remasculizing during that time, plus whether that may pose an issue for getting breast implants this spring.
Then I heard back from my hormone doctor that he thinks the amount of masculinization may be minor, which potentially means not needing to do the orchi (my interpretation). But need to meet with him in person to get a clearer picture.
Some hard, hard decisions ahead.