This time last year, I was a bit of an emotional wreck as I felt my masculine self slipping away. Obviously, it’s something that I desired, but at the same time there was a tangible and acute sense of loss and grieving that’s incredibly hard to describe. I could not be who I am today without his decades of self-sacrifice, and willingness to step aside for me. So I offer my gratitude once again:
Thank you for the gift of my life. I love you so very much. I will always cherish and protect your memory, and this soul you’ve given me. As I delight in this increasingly feminine body, I think warmly of you. You may not have ever fathered a child, but you were a loving brother and father-figure to your sister who is now taking her place in the world.
You have done so, so much for me. You will always be a part of me, and I will always honor your life and respect your journey. Now your journey’s end is in sight. As the days count down, I sense you fading into me, subsuming yourself, growing fainter. Sweet surrender… well, more like bittersweet surrender. But more sweet than bitter.
Enjoy your soon-to-come retirement. You did an exceedingly hard job, you did it well, you did it until you couldn’t any more. You deserve peace, rest and comfort.
I’d like to think he’s off enjoying his retirement, drink in his hand, toes in the sand, on some beach somewhere. Gone, but definitely not forgotten.