So the shocking thing about this weekend’s visit with Mom is how utter nonchalant she seemed to be (especially given she’s 82-years-old).
I had realized that we hadn’t discussed the logistics of the visit (i.e. did she want me to arrive in boy mode Friday night, so she could ease into seeing me). So I just decided to plunge in and flew down as me. At the door she gave me a big hug as usual, no signs of any hesitation or discomfort at all.
Nor when we went out for walks, or when we went out to dinner Saturday and Sunday (there were two restaurants Mom wanted to try), nor when we went to the library to drop off the collection of old records and went to lunch afterwards. Nor in the mornings, when I was sans make-up, wigs and breast forms.
Admittedly, our actual interaction with other people was pretty limited: the servers at the restaurant and the librarian. But when we went out for walks through the neighborhood there was a chance we’d run into someone she knows (although it hasn’t happened very often in the past).
I’m sure my therapist will be disappointed tonight that I didn’t check in specifically and ask how she’s doing (which yeah, I probably should’ve done), but she seemed really comfortable, and there was a never a moment when it was a good time to open that conversion.
On a related note, I re-sent my coming out email (with a different subject line) and got a brief email back from one my cousins, who apologized for not replying earlier and offered her congratulations. Still no word from the remaining cousin, and my aunt and uncle, the latter I suspect won’t be accepting.
(Postscript: I heard back from the last of the cousins, who’d been traveling. Seemed to be a bigger shock for her, she came across as less supportive but at least accepting — I can work with that.
Still no word from my extremely conservative wingnut uncle, who I suspect won’t be accepting. Probably more of question of whether he’s actively or passively hostile.)
Finally, a little boundary-pushing for me… Because I’ve got broad child-bearing shoulders and narrow hips, I’ve always been self-conscious about wearing pants without hip pads, and the few times I’ve done so up in the Bay Area, it did seem like I got clocked a bit more. But with flying it didn’t seem a smart idea to wear them, even with TSA Pre, and it was too cold at night to wear a dress like I’ve been able to do for previous trip. Plus the weather in LA was warm and unusually muggy, and my normal skinny jeans would’ve been hella uncomfortable. So I settled on another pair of jeans that are a little looser (really slightly too big) that could pass for “boyfriend” jeans. But even those would’ve been uncomfortably hot with hip pads. So while I packed them as a security blanket, I never ended up using them — and lo and behold, it didn’t seem to make a difference in blending. Achievement unlocked.