Why Should I Care, Why Should I Care?

So this afternoon, I sent emails to my brother, my aunt and uncle, and my three cousins, telling them that I’m trans and I’m transitioning.* (As mentioned, Mom knows and has been extremely supportive, but none of the others know.) Just waiting to hear back from them now.

Not sure why I’m anxious about it, none of them are particularly close and some of them I’d be happy to have them out of my life. (I see the relatives once a year at awkward Christmas dinners — several of them I’m sure are supporting Trump, ’nuff said — and my brother let his wife push me and my Mom out of their lives, so our communication had been limited to Christmas cards and the occasional email/text about cute things his kids did.)

I suppose it’s two reasons.

First, I’ve been extremely privileged and lucky in my transition, and so far everyone I’ve come out to has been supportive. So this will likely be first time that I’ll run into disapproval. Expect the worse, hope for the best, but realistically there probably will be a range of reactions. The rational part of me keeps reminding myself that these are people who aren’t part of my life, so why should I care much about what they think, and if they’re actively hostile, then I don’t have a problem cutting them out of my life.

Probably the bigger thing is knowing that this is one of the last major steps, one of those points where things move from possibilities to probabilities to inevitabilities. I suppose it’s not unlike the feeling if you’re about to emigrate to another country to start a new life, or about to get married or about to have a child. You want the new life ahead of you, but there’s still the jitters.

* Mom had actually given me a kick in the butt about this. Originally I was going to wait until December, but before I left on vacation she asked me in so many words, what I was waiting for. Aside from just getting it off my chest, earlier is good since I’ll know where I stand as far as which relatives may/may not want me to the come for Christmas dinner.