Milestones and Random Musings

So a couple milestones this week:

Hour 65 of electrolysis and I’ve now got my face cleared down to the jawline. Still under-jaw and neck to do, as well as regrowth — I swear the upper lip will still be regrowing when everything else is clear.

Did my first session with the gender therapist, it was pretty much “intake,” i.e. me telling my life story and where things are at now, and I assume the next couple sessions will likely be mostly that too. So willing to give some time, but part of me feel like I’m paying to tell someone stuff I already know about (she did comment that I seem pretty self-knowledgable). Though the question of what to I want to get out of it, and how will I (and she) know we’ve accomplished that is an interesting one. As far as the gender stuff, it was more “this probably wouldn’t be a bad idea” to have someone to talk to get perspective, and provide support during what’s going to be a stress 12-18 months of my left. So it’s hard to boil that down into a specific goal(s).

There are other things that are more concrete, like figuring out how to build a social life with people who aren’t online or 30 miles away.

It has put me into a ruminative mood, which isn’t a great thing given all the things on my plate at the moment, but identifying the things I’m not happy with in my life. Like the fact that, in one way or another, I’ve spent of time and energy taking care of others — but who takes care of me? Plus dealing burn out from years spent doing a job with overtime, plus volunteer work, plus a performing career.

Plus I’m anxious about talking HR about an on-the-job transition, which is something I’m aiming to do in the next 2-3 weeks. Interestingly, I talked briefly about it, she didn’t really follow-up about that, other to say that giving them six months lead time was definitely desirable.

Doesn’t help that tonight is the tribute show to Nikki, which is stirring a lot of complicated feelings. In part I’m not looking forward to the spectacle of lots of people who never bothered to visit her in the years she was invalided go on about how much the love and miss her.

On the brighter side, one my co-workers reached out after seeing me post about the electrolysis on Facebook. She’s got PCOS and is quite hirsute, and is about to try laser again (she tried it 15 years ago and it was too painful for her). We both bonded a bit about our respective body dysphorias.

Also, when I was talking to the salon owner on Sunday she said that she really ought to start calling me Marlena now.*

She did say it might take her awhile, because she’s known me so long by my boy-name. We’ll see how she does. If needed, then I’ll get firmer about it, but it wasn’t the right time to press the issue.

* I asked my regular nail to do so awhile back, and to make sure I’m in the appointment book as Marlena, which she’s done. But as mentioned, I haven’t seen the owner in awhile because she doesn’t usually work Sundays.