What does “done” look like

So what “done” look like is boiling down to two possibilities:

  • I continue dual living with some body feminization — i.e. let my hair continue growing, finish up electrolysis, get a nose job and brow lift, hair transplants, maybe a lip lift later on. Possibly hormones, and possibly at a low dose. But not so much of either that I can’t pass for male during work hours (and with the relatives during my annual visit). Alexandra at Virtual FFS thought that since I already have higher-than-typically-male amount of facial fat, and my upper face is already androgynous, that facial changes due to hormones are likely to be far less noticeable than most people. But that’s also a question for the endocrinologist. Albeit it’s all just educated guess until I do it.
  • I transition to living as a woman full time. In which case, I’d also look at getting breast implants, as well as cheek implants if needed. And obviously there’s the whole social transition/job transition issues.

The deciding factor will be the amount of body dysphoria remaining once I finish up the stuff for Plan A. If I continue to feel a strong to desire to have breasts (and hips) those aren’t the sort of thing I could disguise and continue with Plan A.

FWIW, just because I could theoretically transition this fall once the blocking factors are cleared, doesn’t necessarily mean I’d do so. It makes sense to wait a couple months to see how I feel, and for several other reasons it also makes sense to wait until 2017. Among other reasons, that when I’d start putting together specific transition plans for work, document changes, coming out to family, etc.

The good news is that much of the stuff for Plan A is the same as the lead up to Plan B. I’m also an infomanic, so information gathering/planning is part of how I deal with issues.

But obvious going from A to B is a huge step. I’m frankly not sure how acceptance of a transition in place would go. Officially, I doubt it would be a problem. Will people accept me as a woman? Probably most will some won’t. That’s undoubtedly true of any transition in place. Do I expect to be there three years after transition. Probably not. Both for transition-related reasons and that it’s probably time for me to move on anyway. So the age discrimination issue is going to rear its head anyway.

I’ll probably talk to a recommended headhunter to get her take on the lay of the land. Yes, that’s a bell that can’t be unrung, but I’m leaking enough gender anyway that it’s probably something I’d have to give her a heads-up about, even if the plan is to continue dual living.

Making progress on things will likely help take the edge off too — right now I’m in that stage of electrolysis where I’m starting to see some results, but feeling like damn I’ve got a long way to go.

Today was 25 hours and she spent almost almost the entire hour on the upper lip. There were two small spots that were cleared, but by the end of the session she’d fully cleared everything except a 5/8-inch wide vertical strip under the nose. Some of it probably will come back, although she’s hit most of it before so it’s definitely finer that it was, so maybe it’ll surrender this time. But getting to the point where the upper lip is permanently cleared will be a big morale booster. We’ve mostly taken a “thinning” approach rather than a “clearing” approach, which is a better overall, but does make visible progress slower to appear. Especially since the beard is so blonde it’s hard to see, so changes are less apparent period.