I’m Seeing a Pattern

A friend who transitioned recently talked about touching during conversation as being as one of the ways she’s treated differently by women these days.

Had my own personal experience over the weekend. I’d seen my acupuncturist and afterwards she had a bit free time, so we were talking about her husband who’s freaking out over his 50th birthday. Every so often, she’d reach out and touch my hand, which was on the counter of the reception desk, in a “we’re connecting” kind of way.

Then Sunday, I was having brunch and there was a woman and her pre-school age daughter, who was making faces in a rather adorable way because she was bored waiting for their food. I was watching her in bemusement, needless to say the daughter realized she had an audience, which then caused mom to turn around. But instead of the side-eye I would’ve gotten if I’d been presenting as a man, I just said I was being greatly amused, and mom and I ended up having a nice chat.

OTOH, at the acupuncturist, I thought that was the last time I’d be going as Marlena since my acupuncturist was supposed to stop working Saturday, which meant I’d have to go in during the week. The thought of that really was bothering me a lot. Fortunately, it turns out my acupuncturist will continue working one Saturday a month after all, so crisis averted.

But as I mentioned previously, I’m noticing this is a pattern — in places where I’ve established myself as a woman, I really don’t want to go back there as a man.

Then there was cheerleading from my drag mother, who said I seem much happier as a woman, and that when I’ve visited her as a man, I always look like I’m about to cry. Which isn’t really true — she projects all sort of a stuff — so I didn’t pay it a lot of mind.

OTOH, when I was telling her that I didn’t hate being a man, she replied that she didn’t either — but she loved being a woman, which is why she transitioned.

I dunno… as I think I said in my first post in this thread, I’m definitely getting the feeling I’d be comfortable living as a woman — albeit the workplace is a big unknown. But there’s not a drive pushing me to go through the effort of transition. OTOH, more of my life now (weekends, burly, the kink scene) is when I’m presenting as a woman.